i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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