Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
