I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
