Define "chronic" masturbator.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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