2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
