I will die if light touches me.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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