He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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