What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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