Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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