how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
