Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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