I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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