her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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