Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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