She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
