I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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