Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just pee around me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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