He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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