so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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