Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
