I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
