You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
