Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
