And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
