At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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