He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
