just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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