Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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