the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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