1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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