One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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