I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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