she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
