I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
