I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
