last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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