I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
