She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
