I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize