Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize