I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
