We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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