he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
