I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
