I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
