When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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