remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
