I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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