Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So vagazzling was a success
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
