Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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