he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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