Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
