just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
