it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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