Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
