I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
