this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do herpes really smell.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
