He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
