turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
