you traded sex for a burrito?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
